State of the Union a rerun

I would like to say that I am a good citizen of the United States of America.

I would like to say that I make it a priority to keep myself well-versed in all the major events that shape our country.

And I would like to say that I watched attentively Monday night, as President Bush gave his annual State of the Union address.

But when it came time to watch the speech Monday night, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

That's not completely true, mind you. I did catch about 30 seconds of it. The president was lauding the merits of the troop surge in Iraq, which he says is working. And he may very well be right. But it's something I've heard before, and I couldn't bare to listen to it again.

So I flipped the channel over to the Spike network, where they were showing the David Spade-Chris Farley buddy flick, "Tommy Boy." (I love that "fat guy in a little coat" bit.)

So I guess I'm not a good American. I didn't do my duty to listen our leader report on the state of our union.

Of course, it's not like I'm completely tuned out. I do work at a newspaper, after all, and I did see to it that a story about the address was on the front page of Tuesday's Courier News. And I even read the story. So even if I didn't watch Monday's prime-time snooze-fest, I like to think I still know a little bit about what's going on in this country.

Yet my failure to watch the State of the Union — a failure I share with millions of other Americans — illustrates an ever-present sense of cynicism when it comes to our government. The whole thing is no more than a political show, played out over and over again. And it's often difficult to see how this show has any relevance in our daily lives.

Take the president's speech, for instance. He spent time talking about things like the economy, the war in Iraq and education spending. His comments were met with a barrage of praise and criticism, usually falling along party lines. This isn't to say these aren't important matters; it's just that it's the same old debate we've been having for years.

And it's hard not to have the same cynicism when looking at the ongoing presidential campaign. Sure, the campaign offers a bit of excitement, much as a horse race does. But it's still no more than a litany of repetitive arguments. I mean, every candidate in the field has a health care plan. And each one is different. And if you ask health-care and economic experts who's plan is the best, you'll get no agreement. And yet, we voters are somehow supposed to know which plan will work the best?

The bottom line is that when it comes to many of the issues raised by candidates — whether it's health-care plans, tax plans or education plans — nobody knows for sure what will work and what won't work. And all the time and energy spent by talking heads and political junkies professing the merits and drawbacks of this stuff is simply noise. Just like the president's speech — it's no more than a rerun of the same arguments we've been having, and the same arguments we will be having, for years.

So perhaps it's understandable why I didn't tune in for the State of the Union Monday night. The speech was new, but the show, I've seen before.

And if I'm going to be stuck watching a tired old rerun, I'd at least like to be watching something that makes me laugh a little. Something like "Tommy Boy."

I-55 is a great big bore

For the record, I am not a fan of Interstate 55.

I had the misfortune of traveling this strip of highway over the weekend for a short trip to St. Louis to visit some friends. And as everybody knows, when you go to St. Louis (or Memphis, or Chicago, or New Orleans, etc.), I-55 is the way you go. And it makes for a lousy drive.

Basically, I-55 is boring. Is it fast? Sure. Is it efficient? Absolutely.

But as far as scenic drives go, it's a complete dud.

I've actually felt this way for years. I first got to know I-55 when I started college in Cape Girardeau, Mo. I'd travel from my home in eastern Iowa via roads like Interstate 380, Highway 218 and Highway 61, then pick up I-55 for the last couple of hours heading into Cape. And I-55 was always the worst part of the trip. There was nothing interesting to see. The curves are virtually unnoticeable, the scenery is pretty much invisible, and the hills are few and far between.

In the time since I've moved to Blytheville, some eight years ago, I've come to know a more southern stretch of I-55 — the Cape-to-Blytheville stretch. And it's no better. Considering the road is flat as a pancake once you dive into the Delta, this southern stretch is probably worse than its northern counterpart.

And heading south from Blytheville, toward Memphis, it's the same story. No hills. No curves. Nothing to see. It's been years since I traveled much of I-55 south of Memphis, and I've never utilized the northern St. Louis-to-Chicago section, but I can't imagine they're any better.

Oh, sure, there's a few things to see along the way. The area around St. Genevieve, Mo., is reasonably scenic. And at least when you pass Cape, you have something to look at. But these are such tiny amounts of flavor on an otherwise bland journey, that they are barely even noticeable.

Even the town names are bad. Near St. Louis, you pass through a town called "Festus." If you ask me, that sounds like something you need to head down to the local clinic to get a shot for. Then there's "Biehle," a hamlet with a name that looks to me like the sound you make when you toss your cookies.

Among interstate highways in this country, I-55 doesn't have a particularly bad reputation. That distinction goes to Interstates 70, 80 and 90, which cut across the prairie states of Kansas, Nebraska and South Dakota, respectively. The highways cut straight through a swath of middle America, and they're so straight and unchanging, that legend has it that drivers can set their cruise control and take a little nap while at the wheel.

Now I can say that I've traveled all three of those Plains highways; and yes, they are boring. But in my opinion, I-55 is in the same league.

What probably makes I-55 worse is that in contrast to I-70, I-80 and I-90, where you know you're on your journey for the long haul, trips along I-55 are generally considered short trips. It's always a "quick trip up to St. Louis," or a "short jaunt to Memphis." In other words, from the second you get behind the wheel, you're ready to get there. And that's what makes travel along I-55 agonizing at times.

That was the case Saturday and Sunday on my trip. I didn't want to be behind the wheel all day; I just wanted to get there. It made for a long drive.

Perhaps next time I go to St. Louis, I'll take Highway 61. It will no doubt take a bit longer to get there, but if it helps me avoid the colossal bore that is I-55, it might be worth it.

Bush makes for good headlines

As a person who, among other things, writes headlines for a living, I've always been a big fan of President George W. Bush.

Writing headlines isn't rocket-science, mind you. Nor is is back-breaking labor. But it can be a little tricky from time to time. Basically, it's a game of finding the right combination of words to fit the available space. Some headlines won't work because they're too long. Others won't work because they're too short.

So naturally, any good headline writer has a few tricks up his sleeve. The best trick is having of arsenal of words — some long, some short — that mean the same things.

For instance, the word "OK" can easily be used interchangeably with the word "approves." This way, if the headline "City Council approves budget" is too long, it can quickly be changed to "City Council OKs budget." Says the same thing, but takes up a little less space.

Another great trick is the use of a colon in place of the word "says." For instance, "Report says Arkansas schools improving,"can easily be changed to "Report: Arkansas schools improving." (Or, to be even shorter, "Report: State schools improving.")

And this is why, as a headline writer, I'm glad George W. Bush is our president. His short last name gives us options. "Bush" and "president" can be used interchangeably, depending on how much space is available. For instance, "President travels to Middle East," can easily become "Bush travels to Middle East."

This is also why I was never a big fan of former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee. Simply put, "Huckabee" and "governor" take up pretty much the same amount of space in a headline, leaving headline writers with few options. Not only that, but neither works well in a one-column headline, where space is at a premium. In this regard, Huckabee's successor, Mike Beebe, is a big improvement. (And this is why I'm thankful that Beebe defeated his Republican challenger, Asa "Long-Name" Hutchinson.)

At the local level, I'm pretty happy with Blytheville Mayor Barrett Harrison. "Harrison" is a pretty long word, while "mayor" is reasonably short, so I've got some options to work with.

I've thought about all this as I've watched the ongoing presidential campaign. Looking at the slate of candidates, there's not an option in the field that's as good as Bush. Generally speaking, it's a long-name crowd. If the headline writers of America were to make an endorsement, it would be tough to pick a favorite.

Obviously, for the above stated reasons, Huckabee is out. Fred Thompson and John Edwards are slight improvements, but still pretty weak headline material. Rudy Giuliani has an eight-letter last name, which is usually quite long; but with three i's and an l in there, it actually doesn't take up as much space as you'd think. It's still on the longish side, however.

Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney are in the mid-length category. Their names might fit in a one-column headline, but it's going to be close. John McCain is also in the category, with a name compounded by the fact that its got two space-hogging capital letters.

So that leaves Barack Obama. With only five letters, Obama has the shortest last name in the field. If there's a headline-writers' endorsement, I guess Obama is the candidate who deserves it.

Yet none of these candidates can live up to the standard Bush set. I'm sill hoping Jeb Bush or Liddy Dole, or even Indiana's Evan Bayh, gets into the race. Or maybe lower-tier candidate Ron Paul will catch fire. For an absolute dream candidate, there's Arizona Sen. Jon Kyl. But I don't think any of this going to happen.

But as a headline writer, I'd also like to say I'm thankful for the constitutional provision that mandates presidents be natural-born citizens of the United States. That means I'll never have to write headlines about President Schwarzenegger. Thank goodness. That one gives me nightmares.

Predictions for 2008

With the new year still in its infancy, it's appropriate to take a few moments to look ahead at the events that will shape our world in the year to come. Here's a few of my predictions:

— I predict that a major sports figure will be accused of taking steroids.

— I predict that said major sports figure will deny the allegation.

— I predict that before the year is out, a major sports figure who had previously denied steroid use, will admit that he/she did indeed use performance-enhancing drugs.

— I predict that it will become increasingly difficult to heroize sports figures.

— I predict that fierce campaigning for president will continue for at least another month.

— I predict that once the nominees are determined, there will come a period of fierce speculation and hand-wringing about vice-presidential running mates.

— I predict that the vice-presidential decisions will have very little impact on the general election.

— I predict that regardless of the nominees, by the time November rolls along, we'll be bored and disenchanted with both major candidates.

— I predict that gas prices will stay near $3 a gallon for the rest of the year.

— I predict that Americans will spend ample energy complaining about gas prices.

— I predict motorists will continue to buy gas-guzzling pickups and SUVs by the millions.

— I predict that the weeks ahead will feature periods of cold weather, followed by periods of warm weather.

— I predict that just when it looks like spring has arrived, it will turn cold again. This will happen at least three times.

— I predict that when spring finally does arrive, within a week after that, the temperatures will be in the 90s.

— I predict that Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton will keep getting themselves in trouble.

— I predict that when this happens, the TV news media will treat each escapade like the story of the century, complete with aerial footage, whenever possible.

— I predict that nobody will be able to adequately explain to me why the antics of Lindsay, Britney and Paris have any significance to my life.

— I predict the New England Patriots will lose a game. It may not happen until next fall — or perhaps in the late summer preseason — but it will happen.

— I predict that Arkansas Razorback fans will start grumbling about a coach's performance.

— I predict that a team made up largely of players I've never heard of will win the NBA championship.

— I predict the Summer Olympics will arouse feelings of peace and unity among the nations of the world.

— I predict that as soon as the Olympics are over, we'll get back to killing each other.

— I predict that the Hollywood Writers Strike will claim the rest of the television season.

— I predict that "Lost" fans (myself included) will be ready to lynch everyone connected with the strike when the season abruptly ends with absolutely no resolution.

— I predict that Reality TV will be king in the Nielsen Ratings.

— I predict that both good and bad things will happen in Blytheville this year.

— I predict that in every community in America, both good things and bad things will happen this year.

— I predict that no matter how many good things happen, there will still be a large faction of area residents whose favorite topic is how Blytheville is going to hell in a handbasket.

— I predict that I'll continue to have no earthly idea what a "handbasket" is.

— I predict that I will spend ample time in 2008 trying to get my technical gadgets, such as my mobile phone, digital camera and digital video recorder, to work properly.

— I predict that terms like "Blu-ray," "Wi-Fi," "Bluetooth" and "Wii" will still baffle me most of the time.

— I predict that I will continue to use tired old column formats when I can't come up with anything better to write about.

Kudos to TBIB

Few entities in Blytheville have brought more positive recognition to our community than That Bookstore in Blytheville. Indeed, the bookstore, which has been featured in countless media accounts, is one of our greatest community assets, as is its owner, Mary Gay Shipley.

And now, TBIB is at it again.

The latest plug comes via an Associated Press article on "destination bookstores." The article, which will be distributed to every AP member newspaper in the United States, spotlights nine such bookstores from coast-to-coast, including our very own TBIB. Here's what the article has to say about the local shop:

It’s located in an out-of-the-way small town, but That Bookstore in Blytheville has become famous thanks to Grisham, who grew up nearby. ‘‘He comes here all the time, every time he has a book,’’ said Mary Gay Shipley, the store’s ‘‘manager, founder, owner and janitor.’’ While Grisham no longer greets the public during his visits, he does sign books, and his association with the store gave Shipley the clout to get other big names in - from Mary Higgins Clark and ‘‘Cold Mountain’’ author Charles Frazier to Bill and Hillary Clinton. The store is located on Interstate 55 between Memphis (an hour away) and St. Louis, so ‘‘we get a lot of customers traveling from the Midwest to Florida,’’ Shipley said.

It's unknown how many media outlets will pick up the story. A quick Google search revealed the article is already up on the Web site of the San Jose Mercury News. Obviously, it's great publicity for our community.

For those interested, here's the other bookstores mentioned:

• BOOKS & BOOKS: 265 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables, Fla., http://www.booksandbooks.com or 305-442-4408. Some bookstores are crammed with serpentine rows of dusty shelves aching with books — but that’s not what you’ll find at Books & Books, which has three locations in addition to its Coral Gables flagship. ‘‘Our Coral Gables store is built around a courtyard in a Mediterranean-style building and our South Beach store is in a gorgeous Art Deco building,’’ said owner Mitchell Kaplan. The store also has branches in an upscale mall in Bal Harbour and on Grand Cayman Island in the Caribbean. Books & Books hosts 70 author events a month, and the stores’ specialties include art, architecture and regional literature, including books about Cuba and Latin America. Both the Coral Gables and Miami Beach stores also have full-service restaurants.

• CITY LIGHTS BOOKS: 261 Columbus Ave., San Francisco; http://www.citylights.com/ or 415-362-8193. This store, a city landmark, was co-founded in 1953 by poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti, who also started City Lights Publishers and was arrested on obscenity charges for publishing Ginsberg’s famous poem ‘‘Howl.’’ The store continues to serve as a center for counterculture activities and politics. Recommendations from its ‘‘Muckraking’’ section, for example, include titles like ‘‘The Fall of the House of Bush’’ and ‘‘What Orwell Didn’t Know.’’ Tourists also like to stop in at the bar next door, Vesuvio, to have a drink where Kerouac once bellied up.

• ELLIOTT BAY BOOK CO.: 101 S. Main St., Seattle; http://www.elliottbaybook.com/ or 800-962-5311. Elliott Bay Book Co. is located in Seattle’s historic Pioneer Square district, once the city’s Skid Row but now known for nightclubs, galleries, sports arenas and architecture — including the 1867 red-brick building that houses Elliott Bay. Cedar shelves offer 150,000 new and used titles in rooms with exposed brick walls, and one or two readings are held every night. ‘‘It can be anyone from a first-time poet to Dave Sedaris returning for his 10th time,’’ said Elliott Bay spokeswoman Tracy Taylor. ‘‘We had him here when nobody knew who he was and there were 15 people in the audience. He sang the Oscar Mayer song.’’

• POLITICS AND PROSE: 5015 Connecticut Ave. NW, Washington; http://www.politics-prose.com/ or 800-722-0790. Even people who’ve never been here feel like they know the place because many of its readings are broadcast on C-SPAN. ‘‘We have a lot of people who come here and the first thing they want to know is, ’Where does the author stand?’’’ said co-owner Barbara Meade. ‘‘They want to have the whole setting they see on television explained to them.’’ January events include the authors of titles like ‘‘The Nuclear Jihadist’’ and ‘‘The Speculation Economy,’’ but don’t let the ‘‘Politics’’ in the store’s name fool you. Readers can find books here in any genre; the store’s children’s section is especially well-regarded.

• POWELL’S CITY OF BOOKS: 1005 W. Burnside, Portland, Ore.; http://www.powells.com or 800-878-7323. The Gold Room, the Rose Room, the Purple Room — even with a color-coded map and signs, it’s easy to get lost in the labyrinths of Powell’s City of Books. And ‘‘it’s hard to walk out with less than 10 books,’’ said marketing coordinator Kim Sutton. She added that locals love to bring their out-of-town guests in: ‘‘They’ll say, ’This is my bookstore,’ and show them around with a lot of pride and ownership.’’ Powell’s claims to be the world’s largest independent used and new bookstore; its other locations include three other general bookstores and two specialty stores (Technical and Home and Garden).

• PRAIRIE LIGHTS: 15 S. Dubuque St., Iowa City, Iowa. http://www.prairielightsbooks.com or 800-295-2665. Thanks to the University of Iowa’s famed Writers’ Workshop, which has given Iowa City a vibrant literary scene, you never know who you’re going to see at a Prairie Lights event. Could be a Nobel laureate like J.M. Coetzee; writer Michael Pollan promoting his new best-seller, ‘‘In Defense of Food,’’ or even a presidential candidate like John Edwards, who was in town for the caucuses. ‘‘Right place, right time,’’ said Jim Harris, the store owner, when asked to explain how the store has attracted so many bigwigs over the years — from Raymond Carver to Toni Morrison to Junot Diaz. Store events also air on WSUI, a National Public Radio affiliate.

• TATTERED COVER BOOK STORE: 1628 16th St., Denver; http://www.tatteredcover.com or 303-436-1070. Visitors to Denver often go to 16th Street, a mile-long outdoor mall through the heart of LoDo, historic Lower Denver. There, amid breweries and boutiques, near the arenas where Denver’s major league teams play and across from the train station, you’ll find the Tattered Cover. ‘‘We get a whole lot of tourists, along with people waiting for trains and fans hanging out until game time,’’ said spokeswoman Patty Miller. The store has two other locations, but the LoDo location is especially inviting, with cozy nooks, overstuffed chairs and a gas fireplace.

• THE STRAND: Corner of 12th Street and Broadway, near Union Square, Manhattan; http://www.strandbooks.com or 212-473-1452. Founded in 1927 by the Bass family, which still owns it, The Strand is a New York legend, offering ‘‘18 miles of books,’’ including used books for a buck, new best-sellers, rare books and collectibles in every price range, and an entire floor of art books. It’s as much a scene as it is a bookstore; customers range from Japanese tourists and East Village hipsters to New York University students and crusty intellectuals who quiz the staff on their literary knowledge. The ‘‘treasure hunt’’ is part of the allure, said Christina Foxley, director of store events. ‘‘Our stock is constantly changing. One hour we might have a book, one hour we don’t. You never know what you might find.’’

Fire update

Two Blytheville restaurants — Perkins and Bistro Eleven 21 — were destroyed in this morning's fire at the Holiday Inn complex. The hotel portion of the facility suffered smoke and water damage.

Several guests were evacuated, and no injuries were reported.

Holiday Inn owner Don Houseworth said plans are already in motion to rebuild the new and improved restaurants. The hotel will be back in operation in "a day or two."

Cold and ice hampered firefighters' efforts to battle the blaze. Several other local restaurants donated food, coffee and doughnuts to the firemen.

For more, see today's edition of the Courier News.

Breaking News: Holiday Inn burns

The Holiday Inn in Blytheville is still burning this morning after a major fire overnight. Reports are unofficial and sketchy at this time, but there are currently no reports of injuries or fatalities. Most of the central section of the building, including the lobby, restaurant and meeting room area appear to be destroyed. Much of the rest of the facility suffered heavy smoke damage.

The cause of the fire is not known at this time.

Main Street was closed to traffic this morning, although motorists could still reach Starbucks and McDonald's. Police were preparing to reopen the roadway; however icy conditions caused by freezing water were slowing the process.

UPDATE: Main Street is now open. Motorists should watch for icy area caused by frozen water runoff.

For a complete report, see today's edition of the Courier News.

Happy New Year!

These mid-week holidays are kicking my butt. Not that I mind having a day off or two, but I can't seem to remember for the life of me what day it is, let alone write a column or update a blog.

So that's why it's been kind of quiet here at The Talker the last few days. Sorry about that.

But now that 2008 has begun, allow me to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy New Year, and in the year ahead, may all your wildest dreams come true.