Bush makes for good headlines

As a person who, among other things, writes headlines for a living, I've always been a big fan of President George W. Bush.

Writing headlines isn't rocket-science, mind you. Nor is is back-breaking labor. But it can be a little tricky from time to time. Basically, it's a game of finding the right combination of words to fit the available space. Some headlines won't work because they're too long. Others won't work because they're too short.

So naturally, any good headline writer has a few tricks up his sleeve. The best trick is having of arsenal of words — some long, some short — that mean the same things.

For instance, the word "OK" can easily be used interchangeably with the word "approves." This way, if the headline "City Council approves budget" is too long, it can quickly be changed to "City Council OKs budget." Says the same thing, but takes up a little less space.

Another great trick is the use of a colon in place of the word "says." For instance, "Report says Arkansas schools improving,"can easily be changed to "Report: Arkansas schools improving." (Or, to be even shorter, "Report: State schools improving.")

And this is why, as a headline writer, I'm glad George W. Bush is our president. His short last name gives us options. "Bush" and "president" can be used interchangeably, depending on how much space is available. For instance, "President travels to Middle East," can easily become "Bush travels to Middle East."

This is also why I was never a big fan of former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee. Simply put, "Huckabee" and "governor" take up pretty much the same amount of space in a headline, leaving headline writers with few options. Not only that, but neither works well in a one-column headline, where space is at a premium. In this regard, Huckabee's successor, Mike Beebe, is a big improvement. (And this is why I'm thankful that Beebe defeated his Republican challenger, Asa "Long-Name" Hutchinson.)

At the local level, I'm pretty happy with Blytheville Mayor Barrett Harrison. "Harrison" is a pretty long word, while "mayor" is reasonably short, so I've got some options to work with.

I've thought about all this as I've watched the ongoing presidential campaign. Looking at the slate of candidates, there's not an option in the field that's as good as Bush. Generally speaking, it's a long-name crowd. If the headline writers of America were to make an endorsement, it would be tough to pick a favorite.

Obviously, for the above stated reasons, Huckabee is out. Fred Thompson and John Edwards are slight improvements, but still pretty weak headline material. Rudy Giuliani has an eight-letter last name, which is usually quite long; but with three i's and an l in there, it actually doesn't take up as much space as you'd think. It's still on the longish side, however.

Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney are in the mid-length category. Their names might fit in a one-column headline, but it's going to be close. John McCain is also in the category, with a name compounded by the fact that its got two space-hogging capital letters.

So that leaves Barack Obama. With only five letters, Obama has the shortest last name in the field. If there's a headline-writers' endorsement, I guess Obama is the candidate who deserves it.

Yet none of these candidates can live up to the standard Bush set. I'm sill hoping Jeb Bush or Liddy Dole, or even Indiana's Evan Bayh, gets into the race. Or maybe lower-tier candidate Ron Paul will catch fire. For an absolute dream candidate, there's Arizona Sen. Jon Kyl. But I don't think any of this going to happen.

But as a headline writer, I'd also like to say I'm thankful for the constitutional provision that mandates presidents be natural-born citizens of the United States. That means I'll never have to write headlines about President Schwarzenegger. Thank goodness. That one gives me nightmares.