Predictions for 2008

With the new year still in its infancy, it's appropriate to take a few moments to look ahead at the events that will shape our world in the year to come. Here's a few of my predictions:

— I predict that a major sports figure will be accused of taking steroids.

— I predict that said major sports figure will deny the allegation.

— I predict that before the year is out, a major sports figure who had previously denied steroid use, will admit that he/she did indeed use performance-enhancing drugs.

— I predict that it will become increasingly difficult to heroize sports figures.

— I predict that fierce campaigning for president will continue for at least another month.

— I predict that once the nominees are determined, there will come a period of fierce speculation and hand-wringing about vice-presidential running mates.

— I predict that the vice-presidential decisions will have very little impact on the general election.

— I predict that regardless of the nominees, by the time November rolls along, we'll be bored and disenchanted with both major candidates.

— I predict that gas prices will stay near $3 a gallon for the rest of the year.

— I predict that Americans will spend ample energy complaining about gas prices.

— I predict motorists will continue to buy gas-guzzling pickups and SUVs by the millions.

— I predict that the weeks ahead will feature periods of cold weather, followed by periods of warm weather.

— I predict that just when it looks like spring has arrived, it will turn cold again. This will happen at least three times.

— I predict that when spring finally does arrive, within a week after that, the temperatures will be in the 90s.

— I predict that Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton will keep getting themselves in trouble.

— I predict that when this happens, the TV news media will treat each escapade like the story of the century, complete with aerial footage, whenever possible.

— I predict that nobody will be able to adequately explain to me why the antics of Lindsay, Britney and Paris have any significance to my life.

— I predict the New England Patriots will lose a game. It may not happen until next fall — or perhaps in the late summer preseason — but it will happen.

— I predict that Arkansas Razorback fans will start grumbling about a coach's performance.

— I predict that a team made up largely of players I've never heard of will win the NBA championship.

— I predict the Summer Olympics will arouse feelings of peace and unity among the nations of the world.

— I predict that as soon as the Olympics are over, we'll get back to killing each other.

— I predict that the Hollywood Writers Strike will claim the rest of the television season.

— I predict that "Lost" fans (myself included) will be ready to lynch everyone connected with the strike when the season abruptly ends with absolutely no resolution.

— I predict that Reality TV will be king in the Nielsen Ratings.

— I predict that both good and bad things will happen in Blytheville this year.

— I predict that in every community in America, both good things and bad things will happen this year.

— I predict that no matter how many good things happen, there will still be a large faction of area residents whose favorite topic is how Blytheville is going to hell in a handbasket.

— I predict that I'll continue to have no earthly idea what a "handbasket" is.

— I predict that I will spend ample time in 2008 trying to get my technical gadgets, such as my mobile phone, digital camera and digital video recorder, to work properly.

— I predict that terms like "Blu-ray," "Wi-Fi," "Bluetooth" and "Wii" will still baffle me most of the time.

— I predict that I will continue to use tired old column formats when I can't come up with anything better to write about.